


I will protect you from all around you

by Lady Mephistopheles (Neko_wa)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: ASMR, Caring Eggsy, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Mother Hen Eggsy, Nightmares, Protective Eggsy Unwin, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-24 20:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12020064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neko_wa/pseuds/Lady%20Mephistopheles
Summary: They had been together from that moment at the airfield, but their life wasn’t really idyllic. They didn’t really sleep together, or in one bed, for that matter, because of Harry’s very violent and very, very frequent nightmares. More often than not, Harry woke up from them screaming and not able to fall asleep afterwards.Prompt (slightly modified, but tbh I've taken bits from all prompts I've got to choose from, this one just fits the best):2. Eggsy goes with Merlin to get Harry from Kentucky. Cue an apology for the things said and a clingy but trying not to be obvious about it Harry. Harry's weak and wobbly and needs to be close to Eggsy and Eggsy happily lavishes him with care. On their return, Eggsy seamlessly slides into Harry's recovery process, helping the man in so many ways, physically and emotionally. Eggsy's there for every bit, even the parts Harry might have wished he wasn't if he wasn't such a fool for the boy and that extra bit of strength that Harry gets from Eggsy. They get through it all, together.





	I will protect you from all around you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [100ottersonaplane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/100ottersonaplane/gifts).



> Dear 100ottersonaplane,
> 
> I hope you like the fic! It turned less angsty than I planned it to be but I can't help it, my brain works on its own :)
> 
> The fic has, as I discovered after I finished, bits from every prompt you gave me, but for the description purposes I chose the one I had in mind when wiriting this.
> 
> Enjoy!

Eggsy loved to sing, and he sang whenever he could. Meaning - he usually did so when he was on his own: while doing stuff around the house or while babysitting Daisy if their mum and Dean were out of the house. Sometimes, he was so dedicated to his singing that he had no idea someone was watching him, but when he noticed, he stopped altogether, feeling ashamed that someone caught him in the act. It wasn’t something boys from the estates did. Sure, he loved it, but at the same time he was afraid people would hear him. Singing made him happy, made him feel like he was whole again. It was also very freeing for him, like a way of letting go of feelings and emotions that were buzzing under his skin. Considering the fact that Dean was around for most of the time, it was better to hide his passion than being beaten to a pulp for doing  _ unmanly _ things. 

After V-Day, Eggsy was too depressed to do anything. He was grieving over Harry - his mentor and the only person who believed he could be a better person; Harry - the one with whom Eggsy fell in love within couple of weeks after meeting him just because he was the only one to see someone else in him than a chavvy boy from the estates. He was the one who gave Eggsy an opportunity to prove himself, to get out of his miserable life.  Because of all that, the grief, the mess in which they were after V-Day, he worked on autopilot, not wanting to think about anything, almost forgetting that the world had a brighter side too. The world fell apart and Eggsy was too busy saving it and picking up its pieces anyway to deal with the mess he’s become. But everything changed the moment that miracle occurred - Harry Hart survived the massacre in South Glade Mission Church. Right, he ended up with a scar on his left temple, was diagnosed with PTSD and chronic migraines, but he was alive, nonetheless.

The message they received was short. In an envelope bearing the University of Louisville Hospital logo, there was a piece of paper with eight simple words, written in the unmistakable handwriting, even if they could say that the hand that wrote the message was trembling, that the writing wasn’t as perfect as it had been before.

_ Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, HH. _

It meant far more than simple “I'm alive”. It was a sign that Harry was getting stronger and stronger every day, that he was well enough to follow the papers and let them know about his state; that he was getting ready to come home.

It took another two months before Harry’s condition was good enough to travel overseas. Kingsman arranged a plane for him with their own medical staff, in case anything wrong happened. Then everything was set and Harry was, at last, coming home.

* * *

Eggsy was the one to pick Harry up from the airfield when his plane landed at UK HQ. Merlin asked him to do this, but even if he hadn't, Eggsy would've done it anyway.

When Eggsy saw Harry, in a suit that was fitting perfectly any more, with face that had a few new wrinkles that weren't there before, and a small scar on his temple, right above his eye. He looked worn out; the scar and the wrinkles seemed to add a couple of years to his appearance, but to Eggsy he still looked good.

That was when something broke inside him. The moment Harry got out of the plane, Eggsy rushed to him, stepped on his tiptoes and cupped his face in his hands. Then, he looked him straight in the eyes, trying to show him everything he yet wasn’t able to voice. Next, Eggsy tugged Harry's head just a bit lower, just for a better angle. Their lips were coming closer and closer and finally: they kissed. 

“Eggs…” started Harry, breaking the kiss when they weren't able to breathe properly. His pupils were dilated, his lips slightly swollen. The look he had on his face while looking at the boy in his arms, could only be described as “fond” and from that moment onwards, it was reserved for Eggsy and for Eggsy only. That overly pleased expression on his face was so obvious that even a child could guess what they did just a couple of seconds ago.

“Hush,” said Eggsy, grasping his hand, locking their eyes together and letting the feelings he had manifest themselves in his gaze. “Come home with me.”

And Harry did. They walked inside the HQ, hand in hand, their fingers intertwined. It was like a new, brighter future had just opened its door before them and they were both meant to go through that door. Together.

* * *

They had been together from that moment at the airfield, but their life wasn’t really idyllic. They didn’t really sleep together, or in one bed, for that matter, because of Harry’s very violent and very, very frequent nightmares. More often than not, Harry woke up from them screaming and not able to fall asleep afterwards. When he finally calmed down, his breath evened out, and he was able to open his eyes and recognize his surroundings, the window was open and there was a full glass of cold water waiting for him. He had never seen it arrive, nor did he put it there himself. It was, of course, Eggsy, who was awoken by Harry’s screams, and who was sleeping separated by a thin wall away from him. Eggsy was given a list books to read before Harry’s arrival so he could learn a bit about what Harry’s been going through: he knew it wasn't a good thing to touch a trained killer after such a violent nightmare, so he did what he could. He went down to get Harry a glass of cold water, he put it on his bedside table, and opened the window to let the fresh air in. In the morning, he changed Harry's covers and had them washed. Meanwhile, he put on a fresh set. That was how they lived. But neither of them knew that things were about to change.

Them not sleeping together and/or having sex, didn’t mean that there wasn’t any intimacy between them. Far from it. There wasn’t a better way to spend an evening for them than cuddling on a sofa and watching a movie together while JB rested at their feet. Sometimes Harry would pick up a book and read for as long as his eyes would help him. During that time, Eggsy would make tea for both of them, leave it on the coffee table, and lie down on the sofa with his head on Harry’s lap. Harry’s hand would drift towards Eggsy’s head, the fingers gently caressing Eggsy’s hair.

And they would kiss long and slow when they had time, or just peck each other’s lips when they happened to be in rush. They didn’t feel like the sex was necessary in their relationship. If there came the time when they could enjoy it without risking anything, they would. If not, they were happy like they were. The love they felt for each other was visible in their gestures anyway, they didn’t need to prove anything to each other.

* * *

After one of the nightmare nights, as Eggsy called them, he woke up earlier than usual and put extra care in preparing breakfast for them both. They might not have slept together, but they were always  _ together _ . That was, sort of, their ritual. A new tradition.

Eggsy looked around the kitchen before opening the cupboards and quickly scanning its contents. After a quick debate, he decided to make some banana pancakes. On the table, he placed flour and baking powder. From the fridge, he removed buttermilk and eggs, and placed them beside the previous two ingredients. From the fruit bowl on the counter, he took bananas. Then, from some other cupboard, he took a big bowl and an egg whisk. Using a strainer, Eggsy was sifting flour mixed with baking powder, adding sugar and all the liquid ingredients to the bowl. He started to combine them all together when he was suddenly struck by the silence. The silence made the house too empty for Eggsy’s taste. Because he didn’t like working in silence, he started to sing, his voice steady but subdued:

> _ They want a docile lamb, _
> 
> _ No-one knows who I am. _
> 
> _ Must there be a secret me, _
> 
> _ I'm forced to hide? _

Eggsy was so preoccupied with his cooking and singing that he didn’t notice that the noise had alarmed Harry and made him come downstairs. Now, he was quietly standing by the wall near the stairs, listening, his eyes closed and his breathing even. Actually, every breath he took seemed to be deeper and deeper, and after a while his body visibly relaxed. It looked like the tension that manifested itself after his dream suddenly disappeared, making Harry feel lighter than he had felt for months.

That day Harry kept replaying that scene he saw in the morning every time he felt a bit panicky or when the anxiety tried to push through his emotions and show itself. 

* * *

Next time it happened, Eggsy was in the laundry room, folding their freshly washed clothes and ironing them. The doors were left open and Eggsy stood there with his back to them. In front of him was a big pile of what looked like dress shirts. Eggsy divided them into two parts: his own and Harry’s, and then these two smaller piles by colour and fabric. When all the shirts were sorted, Eggsy started ironing them. After a short moment, he also started singing, voice soft and very delicate:

> _ Seasons came and changed the time _
> 
> _ When I grew up I called him mine _
> 
> _ He would always laugh and say _
> 
> _ Remember when we used to play… _

 

The thing was that Eggsy liked doing chores around the house. He liked the recurrence of them and the mundane movements. When he lived with his mum and sister, and when Dean was still around, it was his time, his retreat. And probably that was why he, being lost in ironing and singing, didn’t notice Harry, his voice having drawn him out of his office, standing at the door and recording him.

Harry disappeared back into his office shortly before Eggsy could sense his presence.

_ Eggsy won’t be here forever _ , thought Harry when he was safely locked behind his study's door.  _ He won’t always be around _ .

Harry spent a couple of more hours in his office, doing nothing but staring at his phone, now containing a part of his most precious person in the world.

* * *

As it happened, Harry was, of course, right when he predicted that Merlin would want Eggsy to go on a mission in Russia. He was only supposed to get acquainted with a man who, as their reports said, developed an unhealthy interest in the theories that created base for Valentine’s genocide. It was simple recon, about a month long, to establish a good relationship with the guy, but it shouldn't be dangerous. Get to know that man, check the people he worked with, check his house for any suspicious looking devices and report back to UK HQ within two weeks. Two weeks. Harry would survive this. He would be OK, really.

The day Eggsy was to leave, they ate breakfast and took JB for a walk after that. For Eggsy it looked like Harry was trying to put away the inevitable moment of Eggsy’s departure. It wasn't like Eggsy really wanted to go but he neither could nor would convince Merlin. He subconsciously felt that Harry wasn’t ready to be alone, his nightmares were still very violent, even after they had improved since Harry was still in the hospital.

When it was time for Eggsy to leave the house to go to the shop, then to the HQ and board the plane, Harry saw him out. Their goodbye kiss was deep and full of the longing that was already forming between them, even though Eggsy was still there.

“Stay safe, my dear boy,” murmured Harry to Eggsy’s lips when they finally broke the kiss. His voice was barely audible, like he was afraid to show any emotions. “I want you back in one piece.”

“I’ll do my best, ‘Arry,” answered Eggsy, pecked Harry’s cheek once more, gave JB a goodbye pet and left.

* * *

For a couple of days after Eggsy’s departure,  Harry was holding up really well. He travelled between HQ and his home, dealt with paperwork and held official meetings with the heads of other Kingsman branches and he read the updates Eggsy sent every couple of days to report his progress. And he worried. Quite a lot but he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. He tried to stop, to tell himself that Eggsy was one of their best agents, a professional and he could deal with the mission on his own, but it didn't help. He was still worried and thinking about it made the whole thing even harder, almost giving Harry a panic attack when he did.

First couple of nights he slept in Eggsy’s room, where he was surrounded by his calming scent. It somehow put away the worst of the nightmares, never stopping them completely. But it wasn’t enough, he wasn’t sleeping enough, he wasn't eating enough, his worrying kept his appetite away.

After a week or so, Merlin noticed that something was off and made Harry talk to their counsellor. He even set an appointment but Harry never showed up for it. He had to get through it on his own, he couldn’t always rely on other people’s help. He didn’t want people to know what his nightmares were about. He didn’t want them to know that every night he kept dreaming about that day in Kentucky, but he didn’t see those people’s faces, he only saw one, on every person he had killed that night. And that face was Eggsy’s and he was the most important thing in the world. Eggsy came before Kingsman, before anything else. He would always protect him, even if it meant that he might lose his life in the process. 

It was several dreadfully boring days that Harry found a working solution for his problem. And, just as many other things in his life, it was an accident, a touch of fate. He was lying in his bed, as usual, not really hoping for sleep to come and cleaning his inbox. Suddenly, he came across an email from himself that contained several not specifically named audio tracks. It must have been important, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent them, but at this moment Harry couldn’t remember what they were. And because he was curious by nature, he downloaded the files, managed to find some headphones he rarely used and, after plugging them in, he played the first track. After a few seconds, when he heard the voice, everything stopped. He knew that voice! Another couple of seconds passed until Harry recognised it. It was Eggsy’s voice and he was singing. 

> _ Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you _ __  
>  _ And it's not very hard to see why _ __  
>  _ No one's slick as Gaston _ __  
>  _ No one's quick as Gaston _ __  
>  _ No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's _ _  
>  _ _ For there's no man in town half as manly _ _  
>  _ __ Perfect, a pure paragon!

And suddenly he remembered the moment. He remembered how he hid behind the door so Eggsy wouldn’t see him. That day he had not only listened to him, he’d also recorded it, just for future situations like that he was in now. Harry closed his eyes, letting Eggsy’s voice surround him. Seconds passed, then minutes and Harry’s breath became deeper and deeper, his face more and more relaxed. And he slept, headphones still plugged in his ears, tracks repeating themselves over and over again.

* * *

Eggsy quietly opened the door to their home in Stanhope Mews, trying not to make unnecessary noises. It was around 3am and he’d just returned from the recon mission in Russia whole 12 hours earlier than he was supposed to. The guy he was supposed to get in contact with, Ivan Ivanovich Chichikov, ended up being less dangerous than they thought, and, by collective decision of Merlin and Harry, they decided not to engage with him beyond establishing some sort of “professional” relationship via Eggsy’s alias, half-British half-Russian chemist, Adam Smith. “Adam” was a gifted chemist interested in sourcing chemical substances from natural sources to use them further to create a less addictive psychoactive medicine. The rest of it was left to FSB to deal with on their own. Had Chichikov been any more dangerous, Kingsman would have dealt with him.

Eggsy quietly toed off his oxfords and left them in the empty space in the front room before properly entering the house. It was so quiet he could hear JB snoring in his bed, next to the dining table. He quickly made his way upstairs to his bedroom. On the way, Eggsy saw that the door to Harry’s room was left ajar and he just couldn’t resist the temptation. He’d missed Harry so much it would’ve physically hurt to be apart from him any longer. So he tiptoed inside the room, and there was Harry, sleeping peacefully on his bed, a slight smile visible in the lamplight. Eggsy carefully came closer and closer and stopped when he was right next to Harry. He leaned forward to kiss Harry’s forehead and that’s when he’d heard a faint noise he hadn’t noticed before and froze.

> _ Come stop your crying _ __  
>  _ It will be alright _ __  
>  _ Just take my hand _ __  
>  _ Hold it tight _ __  
>  __  
>  _ I will protect you _ __  
>  _ From all around you _ _  
>  _ _ I will be here _ _  
>  _ __ Don't you cry...

It took him another minute or two to catch up with the fact that the voice he was hearing was his own. And that he was singing one of his favourite songs. Eggsy smiled. He had never expected Harry to find out about his singing, nor he had thought he would record it and listen to it. But for some weird reason it worked and Harry was, for once, not plagued with nightmares.

“I’m finally home, luv,” Eggsy whispered before kissing Harry’s forehead once more and quickly leaving the man to his sleep.

It was going to be a short night since Merlin expected him at HQ by 10 am for the debriefing and yet Eggsy fell asleep content, a smile playing on his lips. _ It’s good to be home _ , he thought before becoming dead to the world.

* * *

To say that Harry was delighted to see Eggsy in the morning was an understatement of the year. When Eggsy came downstairs, Harry hugged him tight and kissed him passionately. And if they hugged a moment longer and kissed a bit more passionately than they did usually, well, no one was there to witness it, wasn’t it?

They had made it to the HQ that day without major problems, even if they ended up being late, causing Merlin to stare at them with a murderous glare. The debrief was short since there wasn’t really a lot to talk about since Eggsy’d been regularly transmitting updates to the HQ, just in case there was something major coming up and they needed to react quickly.

After they were done, Eggsy promised Harry to meet him for lunch and headed up to his office to write down a proper mission report. He’d been complaining to Merlin about the loads of paperwork they had to do for ages now but Merlin just smiled and gave him even more work to do, that bastard.

Eggsy’d been sitting in his office and staring at the blank mission report form for hours, trying to focus on forming the actual words, but he couldn’t get rid of the image of Harry relaxing while listening to his voice. So he decided to look for something similar, to really help Harry.

And that was how he’d found that the phenomenon of feeling tingly-like sensations spreading over one’s body had a name. It was apparently called ASMR and people experienced it without even knowing. Some even said that the videos helped them with PTSD related symptoms, anxiety and insomnia. So he listened to couple of videos, to grasp the concept of it and proceeded to order whatever he needed to record something like this.

With all the order placed and scheduled to arrive within the next couple of days, Eggsy proceeded to write that mission report with a feeling that something’s been lifted from his mind. He might have found a working solution for Harry.

* * *

Eggsy had set to record the audio (he decided not to bother with the video, since there was a big chance that Harry won’t be even able to focus on them) at Home, while Harry was attending some official gala to secure good working contacts for Kingsman.

So Eggsy let himself experiment with tapping sounds, scratching noises, quiet reading that seemed to focus once on the right side, once on the left side. He’d sang couple of songs too, the ones he remembered singing before at home. After couple of extra hours spent on editing, the first audio was done.

Now he had to wait to check if it worked.

* * *

And it ended up not being a long wait at all. Just couple of days later Merlin sent Eggsy to a domestic mission to Scotland for three days.

Eggsy went home to pack a bag and say his goodbyes to Harry. The plane was leaving at 6pm, which left him with enough time to do what had to be done and report back at HQ to receive the equipment he would need.

“I’m off to Edinburgh later, ‘Arry”, Eggsy whispered into Harry’s ear when he hugged him tight from behind, surprising the older man. “Will be back in 3 days though, so don’t miss me too much,” he added cheekily.

Harry turned around to kiss Eggsy passionately, making sure he would be missed properly.

“Look after yourself, my dear boy,” he added in between the kisses. “And come back to me safely,” he added.

“I will, ‘Arry,” Eggsy’s voice suddenly carried more seriousness than just a moment before. “If things start to get a bit too much for ya, there will be something waiting for you in your inbox by the time I’m gone. Use headphones!”

They kissed passionately one more time before it was time for Eggsy to go back and off to his mission.

Harry ended up not waiting long to check what Eggsy had sent to his inbox,when the insomnia caught with him the first night after the boy’d left. There he found 3 audio files, one for every day of Eggsy’s absence, and a reminder about the headphones. So he downloaded the first file, plugged the headphones into his mobile and pressed play.

Harry didn’t know what to expect, but whatever he’d had on mind disappeared with the first seconds of the recording. It was Eggsy, whispering nonsense into his ear, but making it sound like he was still right next to Harry. After couple of minutes he’d started feeling that tingling that started in his head and spread on his back and shoulders, relaxing his body, making it let go of any tension it was holding. And before he knew, Harry was fast asleep.

* * *

Things weren’t perfectly well straight away, but Harry was slowly getting better. And Eggsy was delighted to learn that his idea ended up actually doing something good, actually helping, even though it was a very long process.

Not long after, things started getting better. The nightmares weren’t that violent and that frequent anymore, making Harry more and more rested every day. With proper rest came faster healing. Harry gradually started rebuilding the muscles he’d lost when he was in the coma. He looked healthier and healthier every passing day.

But things weren’t always so colourful and happy. The first  major breakdown came with the first anniversary of the Kentucky Massacre. Neither Eggsy nor Harry could focus on the basic tasks, remembering everything that had happened that day. And when their first attempt at sleep failed within an hour, they spent the rest of the night in silence, sitting on the sofa in the living room, holding hands and grounding each other in their reality. Harry wasn’t yet fully healed, both physically and mentally, but they were working towards it. Together. They were alive, they supported each other. And no matter what would happen in the future, they would go through it. Together. That was the most important thing in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used in the fic:
> 
> [Mulan - Reflection](https://youtu.be/FZ4zTXHqGBw) 
[Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang](https://youtu.be/U2LAdyE8lEU) 
[Beauty and the Beast - Gaston ft. Taron Egerton, Luke Evans, Hugh Jackman](https://youtu.be/jTB0LjvKMwY) 
[Tarzan - You'll be in my heart](https://youtu.be/git6DCXSqjE) 

> 
> And if you're curious about what ASMR is, [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomous_sensory_meridian_response) is some information.
> 
> Come and say hello to me on [Tumblr](http://lady-mephistopheles.tumblr.com)!


End file.
